You can simply scroll down the page to read entries to The Emotional Journal, starting with the most recent. You can find specific entries under "Recent Journal Entries" on the right side of the screen. Entries are also grouped by "label" just below "Recent Journal Entries." Be sure to leave a comment about The Emotional Journal. Various characters will post several entries. Catch a glimpse into their thoughts and lives, and follow them through new experiences.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
precludes "you're sick of
the bullshit?" by romey.in.va
author of: "summa this & summa that"
I'm sick of all the bullshit,
I'm tired of all the games,
I'm tired of pointing fingers,
I'm tired of calling names,
My head just keeps on spinning,
I cannot make it stop.
I cannot keep on going,
I think I may just drop.
I can't deceive myself
I need to heed the truth.
I want to believe in us,
but I'm afraid there is no proof.
No sign of your faith,
No way for me to know,
what's real or just a game...
I'm full of hate, of rage and jealousy..
Of envy and despair
I want to run, to scream...to free this part of me.
To inhale fresher air..
I need to exorcise, rid myself of these feelings
detoxify, cleanse, flush out all the demons.
I gave you only love,
You gave me only lemons
I tried to make it sweeter
to make it wonderful...
You poisoned every drop,
and killed most of my hope, my faith, my sincerity...
I only feel sadness, and empty all inside..
I have nothing left to give,
no more gas to fuel the ride.
This is my moment of silence,
my time to marinate,
My chance to sit and ponder,
Just what road I will take
Saturday, March 24, 2007
david e. (part 1)
Classes are done. Finals have been taken. Second semester is over. My dorm room is all packed up. I have my plane ticket home. Now comes the hard part. Somehow I have to find the nerve to face David. Gosh, there's so much he doesn't know.
He probably hates me. Not that I would blame him. I guess I probably seemed pretty selfish. I really didn't explain myself much at the time. All that b.s. about meeting new people, seeing what else is out there, experiencing different things. I can't believe I actually pushed that through my lips. I lied right to his face. But it was easier than telling him the truth. It was easier than telling him about the baby.
It was easier than telling him that I had hidden a pregnancy. A pregnancy that was conceived on our prom night. A night that was so perfect and so beautiful. But it was a night that produced something that I was not ready for. I know I was irresponsible for not using protection. But I couldn't have that baby. Not now. Not with all the pressure I have on me to succeed.
From the time I was a kid. Learning to read at age 3. My uncle always calling my parents from jail. Putting me on the phone so that he could hear me read something to him. A magazine, a TV Guide. Anything. My grandmother has scrapbooked my every report card since middle school. My father paid $800 to broadcast my high school graduation on local cable tv when he found out that I would be Valedictorian.
I had every relative calling me all the time asking which school I had decided on. Everybody was reminding me that I'd be the first of Papa Charles' great-grandchildren to make it. I was going to restart the tradition since none of his grandchildren and only one of his children went to college. I was the smart one. I was the good girl.
Maybe that's why I was irresponsible that night. Maybe that's why it felt so good. One moment of sweet rebellion. It's weird. You want to do something. But then people expect you to do something. It starts out as something for you. But then it becomes something for them. Soon, you don't want to do something as much as you did before. But if you don't do it you'll be a disappointment. You'll be a statistic. You'll be a lost cause. You'll be a wasted effort. You'll be a failure. I couldn't have that baby. Not now.
But after that procedure, the guilt set in. First about the baby. Then about not telling David. Then about not telling my family. Then I remembered all the pressure that was on me. I just wanted to get away. As far away as I could. Far away from the pressure. Far away from the guilt. But inevitably, there is no escape.
I have to begin to deal with this. I love him too much to let this continue. Now comes the hard part. How do I get him to talk to me?
-- natalie c.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
when i get into you
it'll be in depth just like an interview
i'll ask your body questions
feel my way around to keep going in the right direction
to avoid any ho-hums and yawns
i pay close attention when your body rezponds
i'm anticipating your reaction
i'm keeping things moving, no lullz in the action
interesting and thought provoking
you've got your eyes closed but your mind is wide open
when we started you were in your clothes
then i got below the surface and your soul was exposed
your innermost desires were revealed
now inquiring minds want to know, love, how does it feel?
your body answers with a shiver to my touch
a twitch when i kiss, and many shakes when i thrust
your body tells me how to make you cum
and i'll be sure to file this information when this interview's done
g-14 classified, padlock and key
i never reveal my sources this is privy only to me
i ask your body questions
never with words, but well-timed injected erections
girl, when i get into you
i go to great "length" to get in depth just like an interview
Sunday, March 18, 2007
My parents are making my life miserable. They say they're trying to protect me. But what they're doing in the process is making me hate living here. They are not allowing me the chance to have a life. Why is it that i have to suffer because of the mistakes they made when they were my age?
I feel trapped in this house. I only get to go out to a movie like two or three times a month. And when i do, i have to take my little brother and sister. Sometimes they even arrange to have my little cousins to get dropped off over here so they can go too. My best friend Kellie puts up with it because she knows I'll go crazy if I have to deal with all those kids by myself. But its so embarrassing for her to see me in that situation. She feels really sorry for me.
She tries her best to get my parentz to like and trust her so that we can go out by ourselves, but that only works once in a while. Even when I'm allowed out without the rugrats, I'm only given a limited time, like three hours and then i have to be back home.
I can't even sleep over at Kellie's without my mom confirming with her mom first. That is so lame! Kellie's mom even thinks my folks are over doing it. Even she believes you gotta trust your kid at least a little bit. She lets Kellie talk to boys. Kellie even asks her mom for advise in her relationships! It's so fucking unfair. I wish I had parents who would let me live.
Me being allowed to have a boyfriend is out of the question. If I'm on the phone, it better be with a girl. If I go out, it better be with my best friend or with another gurl. I can't go to clubs because there's boys there. No parties, boys are there. All this because my mom got pregnant with me when she was 18. So that gives her valid reason to cock-block me? Bullshyt. unlike her, I know how to make a boy put on a fucking condom. They are so stupid! They dont even realise that if I was a lesbian, they'd be making it easy for me to get pussy. Matter of fact, thats why I tried sex with a girl in the first place! I get tired of fucking myself. Im on my fifth vibrator in three months!
I'm like a caged animal in here waiting for the day I can get let out. when I'm at school, I'm like the biggest nerd. I'm trying to learn everything so I can keep a high gpa, so i can get a scholarship and get the fuck outta here. And I'm going to a school far away too. Somewhere you've gotta get on a plane to get to. They figured that putting me on lockdown was tha best way to get me to study and get good grades and not get pregnant. Well, it's fucking working.
Just thinking about this shit has got me so stressed. I can't wait till they go to sleep. My 420 is rolled up and ready to flame.
-- marina b.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I could see it in her pretty hazel eyes that she was nervous. She had given me a couple blow jobs since we've been hangin out, but i knew she hadn't gone all the way yet. So my mission was to take it slow and make sure she was relaxed. We had roughly two hours before her folks were due back from the movies, but that was plenty of time. The key to her was kissing; a lot of kissing. But I didn't mind because she's really good at it. She's got big, soft lips and an active, wet tounge (two reasons why her "head" is "bananas").
I wanted us to undress slowly. I let her undress me and I undressed her, all the while sharing deep passionate kisses. She was wearing matching purple lace underwear. She had told me in conversation before how she felt sexy in purple lace. She was definately ready for what was happening.
When the clothes were all off, my mouth went on a tour of her body. I could hear her breathe deeply with delight as I explored. When I arrived down below, I couldn't believe how sweet she tasted. It was like she was oozing honey and vanilla. I got so turned on as she grabbed my head and started to spit sexy oh's and yes's. That made it all the more enjoyable as I parted her tight lips with my tounge, trying to loosen up her walls for what was coming next. The more I probed, the more her perfect thighs trembled with pleasure.
When her river flowed so heavily that I thought I would drown, i lifted my head and began to climb. We shared one more deep liplock as i prepared to enter her. I pressed the head of my dick to the fuzzy skin of her sweet peach, then suddenly she stopped me. "Wait baby," she said. "I wanna suck it before you fuck me." Then she brought me to her mouth and pleasured me better than she ever had before, which is saying a lot.
She made me swell to the throbbing point, which may not have been good for a first-timer. As I pressed myself inside, her joyful moans changed to pangs of distress. Her hands clenched the sheets and she bit her bottom lip, trying to ignore the pain. I went as slow as I could, trying to give her skin a chance to stretch around my rock hard member. But she was working against that for a while as her pussy would contract around me everytime she tensed up. Unless she could relax, this was not going to be good for her.
So I began kissing her again. Deep, wet, sensual kisses. They were soothing to her. She settled down. I could feel her juices flow again. Soon she was able to take all of me. I slipped totally inside of her slick walls. Her hips began to move with mine. Her hands no longer clinched the sheets. They were now caressing my back. The music of her sweet voice played loud tunes of "yea baby" and "oh my god."
I turned over on my back and put her on top so that she could be in control. She went slow and steady the rest of the way until she couldn't take anymore. She lifted off of my erection and layed next to me. She immediately started holding herself between her legs. I held her close and asked if she was alrite. "I'm ok," she wimpered. "I mean, I was takin' that shit, wasn't I baby?" she chuckled through the pain. I told her to take steaming hot baths and try to take it easy for the next day or so until the soreness went away. I hated to leave but we both knew I had to. I told her to rest and call me whenever she woke up.
I consider myself lucky to be the first to take her all the way. She's very aggressive, and a natural freak. I expect that after another break-in, that the sex will be mindblowing, considering it was pretty good the first time. I can't wait until she calls. I'm going crazy in this dorm wondering what's going to come out of her mouth. She could already talk dirty with the best of them. Now that she's had some, she's gonna be almost to much to handle.
-- eric a.
kissing on your neck, licking your earlobes
it's getting harder and harder for you to stay in your clothes
your not a tease, it's just that you don't know me well
don't want to lay down with me for fear that I'll kiss and tell
but the way that I kiss you and hold you and squeeze
makes you believe that i just want to please
my fingertips touch you and caress you with care
telling your body that when you wake I still will be there
your body is politic-ing, trying to convince your mind
"tell the thighs to open up and let him inside"
"you've already convinced me to let him in the house,
have a drink, make out, and take off our blouse"
your mind's losing control, how could this be?
is that your skirt sliding down to your feet?
you're taking my hand, leading me to your bed
ignoring those rational thoughts in your head
you'll take the gamble, play the game that they play
want to find out if Romey's as good as they say
it all begins with a kiss on the way to heaven
when Romey makes you moist in '2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
romey.in.va's reply to
"i'm sick of all the bullshit"
"summa this and summa that"
why must it be me who gets blamed?
when you met me, you knew I was untamed
that's what attracted you after all
that's why you answered when I called
you chose the challenge, admit it baby
thought you'd be the one to drive me crazy
but instead it was you who lost control
so many nites I gave you pleasures untold
now you're telling me your sick of the bullshit?
because you're upset that I won't commit?
don't get me wrong, pain is not what I want to cause you
but I won't shed a tear if I've lost you
the remedy is to remain patiently
if you really want my love wait for me
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I went over there because i had to know if I was over him. I had to know if I had him out of my system. Of course I had to make it look innocent, as if I had a legitimate agenda. So I told him about a new web-based business that I'm starting and that I wanted to present him an offer to invest. I knew he would try something. The question would be could I resist him when he did.
I was doing very well at first. I shrugged off his extremely long and deep opening hug. I ignored the very clever ways he found to touch me. First on my hand, then my wrist, then my shoulders; even around my waist. He was always slick as hell and he knew just how to push my buttons.
Then something happened. After I switched the subject back to my presentation for the tenth time, his cell phone rang. He excused himself over to the other side of the room so that I could only hear his conversation if I realy wanted to. Which I didn't, at first. Not until I noticed that he had lowered his voice into that trademark sexy baritone, and started showing his devlish grin. Admittedly, I started to get a little jealous, now that it seemed his seduction efforts were being applied to someone else.
I cleared my throat and waved his attention back over to me and he finally ended his phone call. when he came back over and sat on the sofa next to me, he was strangely on his best behavior. He left almost a full seat cushion between us. No more touching, no innuendo, no funny business. I was blown.
I could hardly consentrate from that point on. Curiosity got the best of me. Who the hell was that on the phone? Was she so hot that a call from her could take his mind off of me and I'm right here in his face? My mission went from playin hard to get, to seek and destroy. We had history. He knew what spots to hit when it came to me, but I knew how to turn him on just as well.
I started slowly at first, sliding over closer to him as I spoke, holding documents over to him so that I could bring my face over to his as we read. You could feel the heat rise between us. But he was still holding out. Then I would turn my back to him and bend over to get papers out of my briefcase. He was a sucker for my juicy ass. Then I pulled out the final carrot. I bent over toward him so that he could see straight down into the cleavage of my low-cut blouse as I read some points of my business plan. He is a breast man most of all, and my 'd' cups were the first thing he noticed on me when we met.
Next thing I know I felt his wet tounge slowly trace my ear. It sent a shockwave down my spine and I froze. He did it again and I lost control. Everything after that is a blur.
I remember just bits and pieces. I remember jamming my tounge down his throat, then jamming his dick down mine. I remember my skirt falling off somehow and me climbin up onto the sofa and sitting my crotch onto his face. I remember cumming after a few minutes of the best "head" I've had in 6 months. I remember dropping it down and riding him like a fugitiv e cowgirl trying to escape from the sherriff. I remember cumming again. I remember him liftin g me up and reversing the cowgirl and me cumming again. I remember bending over holding onto the coffee table and him "styling" me from behind. I remember cumming... again. I remember wondering if his cum still tasted sweet. I remember confirming that it still does.
I went over there because I wanted to know if I had him out of my system. I left there glad that I don't.
-- stacy j.
spending time with you, there's no place I'd rather be
just breathing in the same air as you brings satisfaction to me
but looking in your eyes, you're seeking something more
you pull me close to tell me what it is you're longing for
outside it's so warm
we go inside to find, there's no one else around
we're all alone, no one to possibly hear a sound
you lead me through the door, the time has come i suppose
you run your fingers through my hair, and my eyes begin to close
your room is so warm
your fingers slide down to my neck, and pull my lipz to yours
I was so very patient with you, now the rain's about to pour
I remove your blouse to reveal the treasures concealed within
Shockwaves of eroticism run through you as I touch your sexy skin
your body is so warm
you push me onto your bed, as your aggressiveness takes command
kissing my neck and my chest, you cause my manhood to expand
it turnz you on more and more with every inch that I grow
you give me the sexiest look and then you slide below
your mouth is so warm
it's time for me to see what's alluded me for all this time
unbutton, unzip, unhook, slide down, let Romey claim what's mine
I let you start the show, now it's time that you discover
why it feels so good, why I do all that I do, and why you'll never desire another
inside you it's so warm
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Not long ago I thought my life was pretty much over. When Natalie left, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. It was all so sudden. She had decided to go away to college and not take our relationship with her. This was her chance to meet new people, experience different things, and see what else is out there. Sounds like sumthing a guy would typically say to a girl.
When she broke it off I was shocked and devistated. I used to do everything I could to make her happy. I'd take her shopping, and I kept her hair and nails done. I bought her cell phones and payed the bill. I even taught her how to drive so she could borrow the car my parents bought for me. We were damn near inseparable. Then she dropped that bomb on me. Afterward, I wouldn't go out. I wouldn't talk to my friends. I cried like a fucking baby for the first week. I felt like all I had was gone. I was empty inside. I was incomplete without her.
But after a while it hit me that life has to go on despite how much pain you're in. College wasn't in my plans. My grades were not good enough to get me a scholarship. I couldn't gather much grant money. And I decided not to borrow thousands in student loans that would put my family in more debt. I thought it best to stay home and continue to dj.
Time went on and I tried to forget about her by working my ass off doing parties, putting out mix tapes and networking. Soon I landed an internship at a radio station. Now I'm doing promotions. It's cool. I'm not rich and famous, but I get to pass out free t-shirts, cds and event tickets. I get to drive one of the stations hummer H2's. I get my voice heard on the radio a couple times a week. I even get groupies.
It's been about six months since Natalie went away. It still hurts when I think about her. She doesn't call. Probably because I cussed her out and told her not to. But even still, she should've known i said that out of anger. If she did call, though, I don't know what I'd say or do. But for now I'm ok. I'm doing well. And as long as she's not on my mind, I'm pretty close to being happy.
-- david e.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
my hands, rubbing you up and down, stroking all around;
no one else can make you moan these sounds
the oil is hot, your body is warm;
there's nothing but a sheet for you to adorn
relax, let me do all the loving and caring
there's just you and me with the moon just staring
your pleasure is my mission, your soul I so understand;
nothing can soothe you like the love from my hands
they spread the lube over your skin like a glazing
I feel you squirm with delight so amazing
as I complete this session, I'm pleasantly surprised
at the look of allure beaming from your eyes
all of the care and love I was spending
turned out to be the beginning of foreplay leading to a happy ending
you've got me feening; I'm scheming to get your love
constantly please u; I read u,
your body talks, tellin me just what to do
and there's no one else I'd rather give my love to
I'm addicted to you and only you
I'm wearing lingerie, the smell of my perfume fills the room and I have a bottle of sparkling wine chilling. It's late at night. Too late to be planning on just talking; and I'm still not sure if I'm really gonna do this. I don't want to lead him on, but there are some unsettled issues rolling through my head.
Is tonight the night that I let him inside? I'm driving myself crazy wondering what's going to happen. Will we chill for a while? Or is he going to go straight for it?
He has a way of making me feel sexy and I like that. He knows what to say. He knows how to hold me, caress me, touch me. He has always been nice, so far.
But does he realy like and respect me? Or has this just been part of some plan to get the "drawls?" And if he does hit it, will he broadcast it to all his boys? Will he drop all the intimate details? Will he talk about how good the "head" was? Should I give him "head" at all?
Will he take his time? Will he search for the right buttons to hit and try to turn me on? Does he want to make love to me or fuck me? Will he bring protection or leave it up to me to have it? Is he going to "bust" in the condom or try to take it off and cum on me? On my ass? On my tits? In my mouth? On my face?
Is he going to try to make me cum or is he just thinking about himself?
Will he leave right afterward or stick around at least for a little while? And if he does leave will he call when he gets home? Or at least sometime tomorrow?
Maybe this is happening to fast. Maybe I should call him and tell him not to come over. Maybe I should make him take me to get something to eat first. Maybe I...
Oh shit... there's the doorbell...
-- sharon g.