marina b.

dear ej,

My parents are making my life miserable. They say they're trying to protect me. But what they're doing in the process is making me hate living here. They are not allowing me the chance to have a life. Why is it that i have to suffer because of the mistakes they made when they were my age?

I feel trapped in this house. I only get to go out to a movie like two or three times a month. And when i do, i have to take my little brother and sister. Sometimes they even arrange to have my little cousins to get dropped off over here so they can go too. My best friend Kellie puts up with it because she knows I'll go crazy if I have to deal with all those kids by myself. But its so embarrassing for her to see me in that situation. She feels really sorry for me.

She tries her best to get my parentz to like and trust her so that we can go out by ourselves, but that only works once in a while. Even when I'm allowed out without the rugrats, I'm only given a limited time, like three hours and then i have to be back home.

I can't even sleep over at Kellie's without my mom confirming with her mom first. That is so lame! Kellie's mom even thinks my folks are over doing it. Even she believes you gotta trust your kid at least a little bit. She lets Kellie talk to boys. Kellie even asks her mom for advise in her relationships! It's so fucking unfair. I wish I had parents who would let me live.

Me being allowed to have a boyfriend is out of the question. If I'm on the phone, it better be with a girl. If I go out, it better be with my best friend or with another gurl. I can't go to clubs because there's boys there. No parties, boys are there. All this because my mom got pregnant with me when she was 18. So that gives her valid reason to cock-block me? Bullshyt. unlike her, I know how to make a boy put on a fucking condom. They are so stupid! They dont even realise that if I was a lesbian, they'd be making it easy for me to get pussy. Matter of fact, thats why I tried sex with a girl in the first place! I get tired of fucking myself. Im on my fifth vibrator in three months!

I'm like a caged animal in here waiting for the day I can get let out. when I'm at school, I'm like the biggest nerd. I'm trying to learn everything so I can keep a high gpa, so i can get a scholarship and get the fuck outta here. And I'm going to a school far away too. Somewhere you've gotta get on a plane to get to. They figured that putting me on lockdown was tha best way to get me to study and get good grades and not get pregnant. Well, it's fucking working.

Just thinking about this shit has got me so stressed. I can't wait till they go to sleep. My 420 is rolled up and ready to flame.

-- marina b.